being alone

Being a bastard;
I have no family
Being of mixed race
I have no country
Having no education
I have no say
Having no home
I have no sanctuary
Having no religion
I am damned
Being intelligent:
they want me to fix things
Being empathic:
they wish to tell me their woes
Having resourcefulness:
they ask me to solve their problems
Having good hands:
they ask for their use
Having no confidence:
I do it for free
Having no money:
I cannot socialise
Not being known socially:
I am unknown
Being unknown:
I am not trusted
Being not trusted:
I am shunned
And all this shows
in my eyes, and,
The reason why
being unknown,
am called shifty and
shunned again and again,
I still do things for people
Again and again because,
it is not their fault that they
cannot understand
what they have
not experienced
but still it is such a
weight of pain
and I am, …so tired…
I should have been a scholar
I was offered a chance
Provided I did what they wanted
I was made welcome provided
I agreed with their opinions
I was ok provided I spent my money
Saying no excluded me from groups
Not wearing a uniform I didn't belong
Not being in a group
I am shunned by all groups
Not having a fixed set of values
I have to think
Having to think I learn,
in learning I grow
In growing,
despite not having any advantages
You marvel at me like "Jude the obscure"
And, like him, you never invite me home
I learnt all, what little I could,
almost alone
So had no shortcuts given by mum or dad
I worked almost alone so had to invent
I walked and walked the streets
having no home
So the streets became my family
and strangers my cousins,
alley-ways my architecture
and the openings to new worlds.